I'm afraid that I do like him. Something about him that remains after my superficiality, my bragging narcissism that wants the trophy boyfriend/fiancee/husband. I cannot seem to completely filter him away. He stays. And in his persistence, I noticed slowly, and developed a fondness, a trust, a comforting particular figure. Sometimes, I do see his profile and the 

Will he survive my search for happiness?

My Romantic choices are self destructive.

Sometimes your reality is marred by fear of others or distrust, or mistrust or perpetual bracing of a gasp. That we forgot there is another reality. Where everything we want is within reach, all we have to do is trust in ourselves completely once the plan is made. 

I have to be alone. 

Was the answer I was searching for. I buried it inside me because it was the unknown and I must trust in only myself completely. 

So.

Please leave me alone.

I do care for you, As a friend, as a lover, as both. And it's very hard because I'm fond of both relationships. And it's very hard for me to disappoint any of them. And I want to see both of them because I've missed them so much. 

But my friend and my lover decided it was best for them to not be in my life anymore. And I don't know what part of me wept because I lost my relationships or because I was afraid of the unknown. Was it mostly fear?

I have to be happy. And I am not. Deep inside me I am not. I need to be the girl that doesn't need you, but in the end, will I still want you? You're right. I have to be alone or juggle being with someone in the process.

What is the plan?

MY STORY.

(brilliant).

I am afraid of the dark.

I can attribute my longstanding liaisons because of this part. One should just buy several night lights. 

But who in the end could really be there to withstand my grand delusions? The utmost following to either fantastic or Oedipal like ends? Or who would I follow? Is that the more important thing? That is where narcissism starts.