A passage from Joan Jonas' letter:

"One must know when deciding to become an artist - it is an irresistible attraction - that there are no guarantees of success, rewards, recognition, etc. One chooses or is drawn to a life of producing works that have no practical use in a largely indifferent world. The way is not easy or comfortable. To be an artist you must love art - and you must respect and find a haven for yourself in your work... One should understand fear - fear of failure, fear of not getting this or that. Fear is a device to control us, to stop us in our tracks, to keep us from questioning the erosion of basic human rights. It is the tool of the oppressor. Fear can be a warning. Sometimes I go toward fear, and it is a veil. What are you afraid of?"

Today, I saw a cow in the living room.

No really. These are the things I witness on set. That and 12 chickens in a mock up coop in the garage.

It's the first shoot day. I see old friends. Some of them, I've worked with before when I was still an office assistant. Dominic in particular has that proud look on his face whenever I pass him.  Some stop their conversations when I come around. I'm still your friend guys. But I guess the dynamic is different now. They resume their little chats after smiling at my passing.

It is lonely on the way to the top. But I don't want to talk to them. And they know it. And I know it. And I am in denial.

--

I didnt write last night because my internet stopped working

__

I would've wrote about going to pho cafe with a friend and having a feeling. What if.

I find out later he visited the same restaurant minutes after I've left. Serendipity strikes twice now. Did I make this happen? Or is it coincidence?

I don't believe in coincidence.